It feels like I've seen hundreds of self-help books which start with a chapter or an exercise on visualizing your dream-life.
Simply start with a blank sheet of cardboard, a stack of magazines, and a tub of glue.
Cut out a photo of that:
- picturesquely photographed home with the french doors opening out to a sparkling azure swimming pool
- dream car with leather seats and no less than 23 cupholders (also made of leather)
- stunning individual in a swimsuit who you either want TO BE or TO BE WITH (or perhaps both of those options simultaneously cos they're just that perfect).
Glue those photos to that cardboard and what do you get? The perfect dream life? More likely, three perfectly ruined magazines and a portrait of a home that's proportionately too small to fit either the car in the garage or the beautiful giant who lives there through those french doors. And perhaps a dizzy sense that you bought that tub of glue from the wrong aisle of the hardware store.
Change has to start somewhere, but it doesn't start there. Dreaming big (or holding the star) isn't the problem, it's about finding the path there (or finding the ground beneath your feet). Why immediately reach for the impossible, when what we really need to improve our lives is to simply get a small win under our belt.
Clients see a psychologist to change some core aspect of their circumstance, environment, another individual, themselves. However, in my experience with clients, it is often reported that for them change is "overwhelming" or "I don't believe I can change - I've been like this for 60 years". This is a mindset created out of wanting drastic and immediate change, or visualizing this change and resigning it to the too-hard basket. The funny thing is, big changes are sometimes phrased smaller than you think:
- "I'm going to quit smoking, cold turkey, today",
- "I'm going to lose 5 kilos in 3 weeks",
- "I'm going to wake up at 5 am every morning, by choice, starting today"
I think the best results begin not by focusing on any of these "immediate big changes" but rather making change more "digestable". Start by doing a simple thing or two which you hear is probably good for you.
Essentially, go eat a couple of prunes.
I call it the "bite size" approach. If you want to be a better version of you, whether that is being healthier or more productive, start simple.
When you were growing up, someone probably told you to make your bed in the morning. Try it tomorrow. Just do it. This is your "bite size win" for the day! You've now got a win under your belt and you've barely just woken up. And "oh yes" you are going to celebrate the heck out of that (think of a soccer player showboating after a goal). Don't be shy, smile, wiggle your hips, or say "woohoo I did that!", "Go me". Choosing how you celebrate your victory is half the fun in my opinion.
Go for that same win the following day (you know it felt pretty good, right?) and the day after that.
Within a short timespan you will have formed a habit. Not a habit of making your bed, but of getting an easy win every day. You'll probably even want to try for several more new bite-size wins.
Once you reprogram your mind to understanding that "bite size" wins result in long lasting behaviorial changes, you will continue chewing comfortably through your life meals, instead of choking from eating a change-hamburger in one bite.
Even before you make your bed tomorrow, try and feel what it is like to begin a "bite size" journey
Look around you for the easiest bite-size change that you can make right now and notch up a bite-size win; floss your teeth, do three star jumps, anything.
Is the "bite size" approach to your life such a game changer that will lead you on to much bigger goals? Or is it perhaps simply and inspiring starting point? You won't know, unless you just dive into that delicious meal called life, and tear off an irresistible "bite size"
A psychologist is a highly trained health professional and can assist with mental health conditions and general well-being and self-improvement. Make an Appointment Today
